i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
