Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Is it because I queefed?
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
