You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
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