He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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