If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
