I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
