Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
