dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
honey bunches of taint.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
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