i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
