Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
