I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize