i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
