You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Randomize
