she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
