OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
