I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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