I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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