I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Randomize
