Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
