This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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