How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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