I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
two words...techno handjob
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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