Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
