Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
