It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
