Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I just gift wrapped bread.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
