Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
