dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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