I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
