I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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