Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
