There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
