shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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