How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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