Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Randomize
