oh god the rape fog is back!
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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