Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I want to fling myself into the sun
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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