I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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