return my video game
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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