I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
i came on her dog
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Randomize
