you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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