Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
