So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
