Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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