Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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