this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
