it's too hot outside to masturbate.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
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