On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
