i need an iv and a liver transplant
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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