I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
