I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Randomize
