Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
