The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
