She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
