Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
home. puking in laundry basket.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
