OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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