you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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