I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
