someone threw a dead crab at me
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize