I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
