God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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