FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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