I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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