i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
You may now shotgun with the bride
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Randomize
