i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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