he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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