Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
