i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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