I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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